Being gay is making me feel guilty and nervous --- what to do?

I am 21 yr old and I live in India , a place where homosexuality and homosexuals are shunned pretty much . Infact , derogatory inhumane words are used for gays . There is so much of loathing that it makes the poor guy feel guilty , as if he is wrong and abnormal ! and is asked to change himself and his behavior lest he rejected by society. When I look at my guy friends , and whenever they talk like "O this girl is so hot ! " its as if it sends a knife across my heart ... It feels so guilty and abnormal .